Thought Provoking Rants

The hurt isn’t going away. It’s been more than a year but it keeps coming back, often provoked by some random happening – a photograph, a memory on Facebook, some mention of them by someone, and so on. Probably we were too close, perhaps more than we should have been.

Their behavior and the choices they made hurt me so much that I wish we were never part of each other’s lives. I wish I could erase all the memories. Most importantly, I wish I could get over this feeling of hurt. And this age of social media doesn’t allow things to be forgotten.

Surely they have their reasons and one hand cannot clap so there has surely been misses at my end too. Life is short. Why does it become so difficult to let bygones be bygones and move on fresh and anew? Human relationships are complicated and as they say once there’s a scratch, it will heal but the mark will remain.

I am trying to be a more spiritually oriented person. If that’s the path I want to follow why is this getting so difficult for me? Is this my ego? I am not sure, as the pain I feel is real. It keeps coming back to me how alienated I had felt; how I was pushed to one corner when I needed them the most.

I thought we were very close friends, so much so that they were part of me….but they didn’t care….they were ruthlessly insensitive and displayed no empathy. They judged me, judged everything I said….blamed me of unnecessary whining when I shared my feelings of desolation and loneliness. They even tried to associate a negative psychological condition with my state of affairs.

I thought I was sharing my intimate feelings with my very close friends. Aren’t you supposed to share such kind of things with friends? Aren’t you supposed to support your friend even at times when they are not very likable – if at all that was the case? Perhaps being an open book is not a good idea, even if it’s with your closest friends. It just makes you vulnerable.

Why did we allow things to go disarray? When things went so wrong why did they resort to chat-messages? What stopped them from giving me call and clearing things upfront? Why did they gang up and resort to Social Media instead? We’ve had disagreements many times in the past but it was just a matter of time before things would settle down without a trace. However, this one was different.

I am a very social person and have a couple of other close friends. So, ideally I shouldn’t miss them but I do. I remember them often, both in good and bad times. They have left a dent in my heart, a deep one that I am unable to heal. Today they connect with me to talk, again through text messages, about mundane things, perhaps in an effort to fix things. Not sure if they realize the hurt is really deep and I am still not able to overcome it. I respond whenever they connect while consciously maintaining a distance, sometimes just answering what they ask. I cannot be myself with them ever again. I can’t share my intimate thoughts and feelings with them anymore.

At the same time, I tell myself why can’t I?  We are not here forever and friendships are precious. But again a contradictory thought strikes – perhaps it’s better to move away from people who let you down and who have no regard for your feelings, especially when they have been your close friends who you have loved so dearly.

Yet one question haunts me – Why did we let our decade-long relationship collapse?

All said, time is the biggest healer so I am hopeful!

Provoke

Author: neelstoria

Traveling, Gardening, Trekking, Hiking, Storytelling, Writing, Nature, Outdoors, Yoga, DIY

9 thoughts on “Thought Provoking Rants”

  1. It’s certainly not going to be easy to get over the hurt. There are no easy answers and even there are…it’s not going to change anything “now”.

    Yes, time is the best healer…the suffering is painful but then things will get better with time. You’ll find new people and life will be back to the usual! Keep the faith, Neel!

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  2. The key is forgive to them and yourself. Your journey with them must have been till here…… There must be lessons of life you had to learn with and through them. Move on…… It still hurts because you are still connected. You have not got out of it….. You need to do that for your well being. If you can do this….. Their presence and absence will not effect you!

    Spiritually put…… Do not carry the baggage of someone else’s karma.

    Saying from a recent experience

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Totally agree with you. Every situation teaches things to us and and that’s why we are put in those situations. And as they say you meet people for a reason, a season, or a lifetime :)….Thank you for such a caring response 🙂

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  3. I would never disclose each and everything here in the digital world while this makes it also possible to target and hurt you easily. So take care. Time is of course a healer but depending always on the magnitude of being hurt. But from what I read these were no real friends! I do not believe that there must be a reason for all what is happening, there are certain strange and surreal things in my life where all rational efforts do simply surrender, and accepting such also a question of time and attitude.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading and writing this note. You are right about not disclosing everything in the digital world. You remind me of a quote I read recently. Don’t remember exactly but it was something like – everything happens for a reason and sometimes the reason is a bad decision.
      Yes, many things is life are beyond all explanations

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I prefer to answer your question at your blog, Beatrice made the photos in Austria where we will go again soon, she is my companion for decades now, she normally has a lot oft other things to do, so this post of her an exception. @ Ulli

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